Let’s take a little stroll down memory lane. Slow down for a moment, and see if you can you recall a.) A time in the past where you made a pivotal decision that turned out badly that you still regret? b.) A time when someone wronged you at work or in a relationship that still rankles you a little? c) A time when something really unfair happened to you that changed things in a way that still affects you? If you can’t recall one of these things, or if you can recall them without feeling any feelings at all, stop reading, watch the Fuhgeddaboudit video below if you like, and get on with your day. But if – like most of us – you can actually re-experience a tangible feeling of anxiousness, anger, or upset when you recall one of these events, maybe it’s time you learned to Fuhgeddaboudit.
Resentment is one of those things that almost everyone has, but almost no-one will admit to having, and that few people can define correctly. The word resentment is from the Latin prefix ‘re’, and the verb ‘sentir’, meaning “to feel”. It literally is the re-experiencing of a feeling. The more complex meaning of the word implies a sense of indignation at how someone else’s actions had a negative impact on you. Its most extreme kind of manifestation long ago inspired the old expression “Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies”*. The root of the word “regret” literally means “to weep again”. It is the re-activation of unhappy feelings from the past.
Resentment may be the more destructive of these two, because it intrinsically involves not only your abandonment of personal responsibility in the situation, but is based – like regret – on something that doesn’t even exist! We’re talking of course about the past here. Everyone from Saint Augustine to Ann Landers toEckhart Tolle
And while there are obviously some trauma-related experiences that may benefit from talk therapy, there are millions of people around the world who have experienced all sorts of tragedy, and gone on to become incredible humans without it. So give this a shot. Next time you’re wallowing in some memory of how you got in the predicament you’re in today, why don’t you just Fuhgeddaboudit and start fresh. Right now is all you really have, and it will be all you have tomorrow, when right now is yesterday! As Thoreau said “Never look back unless you are planning to go that way”.
*This quote as been attributed to everyone from Mark Twain to Star Wars’ Carrie Fisher, but as Twain himself said: “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
